CLOUDSPOTTING

Freddy ran home as fast as his legs could carry him.

Breathless, he crashed through the flimsy door of the shack they lived in. His father looked up. Freddy pointed at his weathered, antique Cloudspotting book.

‘A Cumulonimbus.’

‘A what?’

‘I saw one. A pure white one.’

‘What are you going on about?’

‘A cloud, Dad. A pure white cloud.’

His father paused. Then he bolted from his chair and pushed passed Freddy. Outside he scanned the dark sky, filled with the familiar black pollution. It had been years since the dirt, soot and gases had caused the clouds to darken permanently, forcing life to the brink of extinction.

He spun round and saw it, spiralling, towering upwards and at its peak, a glimpse of pure blue sky.

Freddy watched his father do a bizarre dance of delight before falling to his knees, sobbing with joy.

‘Don’t you see what this means, Freddy?’

Freddy blinked at his father.

‘That I can finally tick off the first one in my book,’ he gestured to the crumpled old pages in his hand.

His father laughed. ‘Yes, Freddy, you can.’


182-11-november-20th-2016

Written as part of Sunday Photo Fiction. Write a story of around 200 words based on the photo prompt given (above). For more details visit HERE.

To read more stories based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.

28 responses to “CLOUDSPOTTING”

  1. Terrific.
    So much left unsaid, but enough clues to let us fill in our own blanks.
    Love it.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Many thanks, that’s always my aim with these short pieces, some are more successful than others.

      Like

  2. Again a brilliant capturing of so much in so little

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Great story as usual Iain. What a history they must have had to be so ecstatic over seeing blue sky. I hope our world does not get that bad, although with the way things are going, it may not be too far ahead.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks, hopefully not, but it does make for good science fiction at the moment…

      Liked by 1 person

  4. This is brilliant! You say so much more than is apparent.

    Like

  5. Love the dialogue. Authentic and breezy (no pun intended). Nice work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Many thanks, much appreciated.

      Like

  6. That’s marvelous–I could see the whole thing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Many thanks, much appreciated.

      Liked by 1 person

  7. A fantastic write! I love reading all your stories! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You’re very kind, thank you! Look forward to reading your effort too 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Subtle…and thus, very powerful.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You can really feel the fathers joy and relief. Aftrrvso much pollution, clear be sky’s would be gorgeous!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. You never disappoint with your stories, a great read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Very kind, thanks Angie 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  11. Very relevant and topical! Unfortunately I can see this happening very soon sometime in the near future – already a blue sky is a rarity in Delhi 😦
    On a different note, I was a bit confused at the end – who can tick? The father or Freddy? Or did I miss something?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Dahlia – at the end, Freddy in his old Cloudspotting book.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Ah ok my bad – because Freddy blinked, I presumed his Dad was answering and set off the confusion 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Freddy blinked was meant to emphasise he was puzzled by his dad’s strange reaction – he’s too young to get the significance of seeing blue sky because he’s never seen it before. Hope that comes across 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      3. No, I got the gist of it very loud and clear 🙂 It was just that when Freddy blinked, i presumed he didnt get what he could do and his father (?) says that “I can tick” and then again the last line his father laughs and says “Yes you can Freddy…” So I was confused if the father was speaking both times then even the father hasnt see a cumulus cloud – I wonder if I am making sense? Perhaps if you had a read at the last 2 or 3 lines, you may get an idea where I got lost. But the message is very clear not a doubt about that! 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  12. Let’s hope pollution never reaches the point where we cry when we see a white cloud. We need to take it seriously, Good writing. —- Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes we do, I hope American and Chinese governments do too. Thanks Suzanne.

      Liked by 1 person

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