I lit out for the coast searching for serenity. I had no idea if it would be there or not, but it sure as hell wasn’t where I was coming from so I had nothing to lose.
Hitch-hiking across the country wasn’t for me. I’m not a people person and the thought of making small talk filled me with dread. I huddled up against the cold as I stowed away on freight trains and managed to hide in the back of a couple of truck trailers. So long as they were heading east I was going in the right direction and leaving my troubles behind.
The further I went the calmer I felt. The weight of what I had left behind lifted from my shoulders. I kept an eye on newspapers and saw no mention of me, but the nationals wouldn’t care about me anyway. The local papers might have my disappearance on the front page, the upcoming trial was a big deal, but I couldn’t get local papers out here.
A lot of people would criticise me for running away. They would say I should have stayed to fix the problems I had helped make and they are probably right, but I never claimed to be a strong person. I’m weak and a coward and I have no problem admitting it. I definitely wasn’t cut out to be a dealer, even a small-time one, and get involved with those kind of people.
Who would find me first? The dealers or the police? Tomorrow I was meant to be in court and name names. I’m no informer. Either of them might go for my girl and my son in revenge. I told them to get out but she wouldn’t listen to me, same as always. I figure so long as I am out the way they will be alright in the end.
So it’s just me and the clear blue sea and the clouded blue sky. I could stand here and wait. I will hear footsteps on the pebble beach as they approach me. I will hear the click of the gun being cocked and I will welcome the serenity that the bullet will bring. I’ll just be glad it’s all over.