IAIN KELLY

VORTEX

‘They symbolise the whirling mass of humanity that will flow beneath, replicating the whirling music from the orchestra,’ the artist opined to his guests.

‘Wonderful.’

‘Enchanting.’

‘They will each be placed in the optimum position to ensure the acoustics of the hall, will not be compromised.’

Nodding heads of agreement and contemplation.

‘If you will follow me through to the restrooms, I will show you the acoustically satisfying toilet bowls which follow the same vortex pattern.’

Gary, the joiner, watched them leave, scratched his chin and contemplated how the hell he was going to hang this contraption from the bloody ceiling.


dales-symphony-2
Copyright Dale Rogerson

Written as part of theΒ Friday Fictioneers challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more detailsΒ HERE).Β The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).

To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visitΒ HERE.

This April I am taking part in the A to Z Challenge once again. My theme is a collection of stories from around the countries of the European Union, and you can find them here:Β A TO Z CHALLENGE 2018

99 responses to “VORTEX”

  1. James Avatar

    Not sure toilet bowls would be a big concern of mine relative to the symphony, though they’re important for other reasons.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      It’s all in the details James πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. gahlearner Avatar
    gahlearner

    This has me laughing so much. Try not to imagine the acoustics of the toilet bowls, I dare you. That was great, from the pompous artist to the hard working joiner.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  3. Edith M. Field Avatar

    Ha ha ha! I love Gary’s realism! Such a contrast to the pretentious comments of the artist. I love the toilet humour too! Great writing, Iain – very entertaining!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Edith πŸ™‚

      Like

  4. yarnspinnerr Avatar

    πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚
    Still laughing.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Good to give a little laugh πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  5. liz young Avatar

    Love this! Pomposity versus practicality.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Liz

      Like

  6. k rawson Avatar

    Love the contrast. You really captured them both.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  7. Diary of a Dublin housewife Avatar

    πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I love Gary’s toilet humour

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you πŸ™‚

      Like

  8. granonine Avatar

    Took me a minute to figure out that a joiner would be a plumber in America, and now I can’t stop laughing πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Glad you were able to get the laugh in the end.

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Neel, glad it gave you a laugh

      Like

  9. pensitivity101 Avatar

    I love this Iain. Brings forth a whole new meaning to Tubular Bells.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Haha, yes indeed! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  10. pensitivity101 Avatar

    or should that be Tubular Bowls??

    Liked by 2 people

  11. Jane Dougherty Avatar

    I wonder what they have lined up for the cafeteria?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      I suspect something more than a few square tables and chairs and a toastie machine! πŸ™‚

      Like

      1. Jane Dougherty Avatar

        Gary will need an apprentice.

        Liked by 1 person

  12. pennygadd51 Avatar

    You make a nice contrast between the pretentious artist and the practical joiner. And I can’t help wondering what the toilet sounds like…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      It sounds beautiful, trust me πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. pennygadd51 Avatar
  13. J Hardy Carroll Avatar

    I like this. I was thinking about writing a story where the interior decorator gets fired for choosing such weird fixtures but they wind up using them anyway because they were so expensive. This story does a better job of that same theme. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you, I like your idea too.

      Like

  14. rochellewisoff Avatar

    Dear Iain,

    Everyone is an artist in one way or the other. You started our road trip with a chuckle. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Glad to have been of service, have fun! πŸ™‚

      Like

  15. Kelvin M. Knight's blog Avatar

    I am with Gary, Iain, hHow in heaven’s name…

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Lynn Love Avatar

    Ha! I like the vortex toilet bowl idea – I think that would would work brilliantly. Poor Gary, having to make the ‘vision’ practical

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Behind every great artist there are the workers who make it all happen. Actually typing that makes me think of my job as a TV editor, working behind the scenes, making the talent look good – oh my, I’m basically Gary!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lynn Love Avatar

        You are Gary! Hopefully your job isn’t quite so frustrating πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

  17. Jacqui Murray Avatar

    Love this–the engineer vs. the dreamer. I’ve seen this so often.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Jacqui πŸ™‚

      Like

  18. Dale Avatar

    This was so much fun, Iain. Musical toilets… I can just imagine them πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Dale, why not eh? I’m surprised no one has installed them yet πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dale Avatar

        Really… would make the timid piddlers a little more comfortable knowing no one could hear them πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 2 people

  19. jillyfunnell Avatar

    Very funny story – and I have an idea thatmany similar conversations have happened. There is always that conflict between designer and executor. I am sure this is a thing of great asthetic beauty – but how the bleepin’ hell am I supposed to fix it in place?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Yes, you can see the angry artist and exasperated builder having a running argument!

      Liked by 1 person

  20. lisarey1990 Avatar

    I love Gary. Wonderful story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Lisa – I like him too!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. tedstrutz Avatar

    I liked your story. So true, thoughts with no thought as to how to make it happen. Leave that to someone else.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  22. plaridel Avatar

    oh yes, toilet bowls have the distinct acoustics. just after lunch break, when i visit the restroom at work, i often hear it accompanied by a medley of sounds like cracks of thunder before the downpour, often followed by sighs of relief. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Oh my! πŸ™‚

      Like

  23. Alicia Jamtaas Avatar

    A delightful take on a Full of Himself artist.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Alicia

      Like

  24. anuragbakhshi Avatar

    Ha ha ha, the design does fit more naturally with a toilet bowl than with whatever the hell it is right now (I’m guessing they are lights).

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      πŸ™‚ It’s all about the aesthetics.

      Liked by 1 person

  25. draliman Avatar

    I’ve got to get me one of those “acoustically satisfying toilet bowls” πŸ™‚
    I don’t think Gary cares about the acoustics, he has more practical concerns!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Wait until he starts having to install those toilets!

      Liked by 1 person

  26. mumpoet Avatar

    Haha – gotta love a bit of toilet humour! Very clever, Iain πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you – sorry for lowering the tone! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Vivian Zems Avatar

    From the arty-farty speech of the artist to the pragmatism of the joiner…..you got the right mix here. Enjoyable!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Vivian πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  28. Jan Vanek Avatar

    This made me laugh, not only because of the haughty descriptions of the artist, but when you mentioned the acoustics of the toilet, it brought to mind toilets in Japan, and how they play music. πŸ™‚ Fun interpretation of the prompt!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Jan, always good to give a laugh πŸ™‚

      Like

  29. Irene Waters 19 Writer Memoirist Avatar

    LOL. Confuse the crowd with acoustics and leave the joiner wondering how to do it. I’ve never thought of toilet acoustics – a whole new world of sound may open up to me.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Haha, you could get some installed in your bathroom πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  30. Moon Avatar
    Moon

    Brilliant, Iain.πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Moon πŸ™‚

      Like

  31. Russell Avatar

    Lol, fun read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  32. Laurie Bell Avatar

    Bahahaha love that last bit. Onya Gary! The reality of a dream doesn’t match the vision. Haha

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Laurie πŸ™‚

      Like

  33. Frances D Avatar

    It was a perfect – and FUNNY – melding of photo and word.
    The term toilet humor will never be the same for me ;)~

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Frances

      Like

  34. Norma Avatar

    Oh Gary…
    Nice one Iain. Couldn’t stop smiling. 😊
    “…acoustically satisfying toilet bowls which follow the same vortex pattern.’”

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Norma, glad to make you smile πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  35. landofimages Avatar

    Haha, love it. Such a delight observing perspectives πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you πŸ™‚

      Like

  36. ddeepa Avatar
    ddeepa

    Hahahahah! acoustics of toilet bowls indeed! Alan, have you published your books yet? I would love to read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Nothing published yet, but a novel in the works. When I do I will be sure to put it on my blog πŸ™‚

      Like

  37. Russell Gayer Avatar

    I saw toilet analogy coming in the first paragraph–the whirling. πŸ™‚
    Great piece. I wondered how they hung them too.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Russell

      Like

  38. James McEwan Avatar

    I loved the final sentiment from Gary, the feeling of listening to all the culture talk, while he is the only one doing the hard work

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Isn’t that always the way. Thanks James.

      Liked by 1 person

  39. Dawn M. Miller Avatar

    I love how you brought this full circle. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Dawn.

      Liked by 1 person

  40. subroto Avatar

    Ha! Ha! I wonder if he is taking the piss out of them. Literally πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      I wonder how many artists chuckle at what they manage to get away with! πŸ™‚

      Like

  41. Woman walking Max Avatar

    Most entertaining – love the pomposity of the Arty person – sort of believable …and the plumber is a perfect ending.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you πŸ™‚

      Like

  42. Brenda's Thoughts Avatar

    The poor guy has a dilemma, the practical meets the dreamer. Very entertaining story! I always enjoy your stories. =)

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Brenda, so kind of you to say πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  43. magarisa Avatar

    I wonder if anyone actually aspires to design “acoustically satisfying toilet bowls”. πŸ˜‰
    Let’s hope Gary manages to hang the contraption securely, so it doesn’t end up landing on some poor music lover’s head.
    Enjoyed your take on the prompt. I could easily imagine the tour taking place in the place in the picture.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you. I’m sure someone, somewhere must have looked at the acoustics of toilet bowls πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  44. The Reclining Gentleman Avatar

    Haha! love this! Behind every whimsical notion is the uncredited efforts that make that notion work.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you so much, glad you liked it.

      Like

  45. Fatima Fakier Avatar

    The acoustics of the toilet bowls, oh my word! ha ha! really enjoyed this story, Iain. I liked how Gary has to actually make the acoustics work despite all the grand talk of the artist.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Fatima, always good to raise a laugh πŸ™‚

      Like

  46. goroyboy Avatar

    Flush twice, it’s a long way to the art museum Lol

    Liked by 1 person

  47. Sarah Ann Avatar
    Sarah Ann

    Fantastic contrasting voices. As usual the designer has no given no forethought to the poor person who will have to erect his contraption. However, I’m a little worried about those acoustically satisfying toilets.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      They’re great, trust me πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

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