Woozy. Sweat. Open eyes.
Peeling paint, damp patches, broken ceiling fan.
Movement next to me. Moist sheets. Another person.
She moans. Dark hair, dark skin.
Vague memories. A bar, drinking, her smiling face.
Sit up, look round. Dilapidated.
Head thumping. Air oppressive. Dry throat.
Stagger to the window. Old, wooden frame. Open it.
Humid air. Voices. Cries.
She turns, eyes looking at me. That smile.
The night is in the past.
To the dank bathroom. Cracked mirror reflects broken face.
Splash of water. Hands steady.
Ready for another day.
Ready for more victims.
Ready to do what little I can.
Written as part of the Friday Fictioneers challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).
To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.
This April I am taking part in the A to Z Challenge once again. My theme is a collection of stories from around the countries of the European Union, and you can find them here: A TO Z CHALLENGE 2018
An evocative piece, Iain. You used the word limit well
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Thank you Neil.
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The photo reminded me of war as well.
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Yep, Apocalypse Now opening scene whenever I see a ceiling fan… I tried to leave it open that it could equally be the scene of a natural disaster too.
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Great story. I like the rhythm.
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Thank you, felt like the style would fit the prompt, a fractured building, a snatched image sort of thing.
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Syria sprang to mind, but it could be almost anywhere these days. Well done.
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Yep, there’s a whole string of places it could apply to at this very moment.
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Eek! That’s a scary little story… It’s almost as if you stepped into one of the minds of a Nazi doctor with this one…at least that’s what I thought of as I read it…. shivers down my spine. Great write!
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Interesting, it could be taken either way, he may be a good samaritan helping in a tragedy, or the other way/ Perhaps it says more about the reader’s mindset! Thanks Jelli 🙂
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Even I saw it as a sinister tale with an evil man at work – but wonderfully penned Iain 🙂
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You are all so cynical! 🙂
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Heheh
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Dear Iain,
You set the tone and the atmosphere with skill. I felt like I was there. Little said. Much told. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle, enjoyed writing this one.
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Well crafted IK.
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Thank you.
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Very visual. lovely xx
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Thank you 🙂
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Wow – I can’t believe how much you have crammed into this story. All the told and untold aspects left me reeling. Well done!
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you Susan, very kind.
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There has been recent news coverage of a handful of charity workers taking advantage of the sexual availability of vulnerable people. I wonder whether that is your topic? It’s graphically written. You’ve constructed the story very cleverly so we only gradually realise what is important, and what he has to do, today and every day. The form is fragmentary, which imitates his state of mind; and then he grasps hold of the fact that his hands are steady, and the world comes into proper focus again; he knows who he is and what he has to do.
This is fine writing Iain.
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Thank you Penny, I wondered if anyone would make the connection to those recent stories. I think we would have to know more about the identity of the woman in the bed to make any judgement – is she a fellow volunteer or doctor? both consenting adults? or a local woman in desperate times? a prostitute? is this just something they both need to get away from the horror of the tragedy they are in the middle of? Such a nice comment, thank you.
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I loved how you wrote this, Iain. The rhythm the style, the story itself. Well done.
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Thank you so much Dale 🙂
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Very powerful. Touches the emotions! Well done!
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Thank you 🙂
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These are the real heroes of battle. As the mother of two military kids, I am all for them.
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They certainly are heroes, I can’t imagine what they must see and deal with.
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I thought what Penny thought! The way this is written works so well for this story.
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Thank you.
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I liked your style of writing in this piece so much. Fragmented , choked, just like the tragedy they are trapped in. Brilliant!
I think he is a good doctor who wants to save the victims of the nameless tragedy.
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I had in mind that he was a good guy too 🙂
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Great atmosphere in this piece Iain. I love the pace the short sentences give. Cleverly done. 🙂
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Thank you Jennifer, much appreciated.
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I love how you took this from a possible romantic encounter to the field hospital. Skillfully done.
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Thanks Alicia 🙂
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I enjoyed the way you put this together,.
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Thanks Michael.
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Sounds like you were going down the Florence Nightingale path.. finding contentment even in the worst of circumstances.. the human at their finest:) I enjoy the punctual short sentences.
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Thank you, pleased you liked it.
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this was written in a way i could visualize what was going on. well done as aways.
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Thank you, much appreciated.
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Very visual story. That fan in the photo though, it is indeed dilapidated.
http://findingeliza.com/
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Thanks Kristin.
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Loved the rhythm and feel of it, very powerful stuff. As an aside, you are actually taking out time to write stories in addition to AtoZ also? 🙂
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Thank you. Yes, although I’m skipping a few of my usual prompts for April, I can’t skip Friday Fictioneers. A few days ahead with my A to Z writing, so I had the time 🙂
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Great sense of “getting along however you can, grabbing a bit of company where you can find it”.
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Thank you
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Well Written! Reminded me of so many amazing war movies! Like Full Metal Jacket, Apocalypse Now, The Deer Hunter etc. Those were some amazing watch!
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Apocalypse Now was definitely in my mind when writing it 🙂
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Outstanding piece, Iain. There are so many possibilities here, as noted in the comments. Very impressive writing. Five stars.
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Thank you Russell, much appreciated.
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A clever way to tell so much in so few words.
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Thanks Clare.
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Stealing moments to himself in midst of chaos is how I read it. Nicely done.
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Thank you, definitely the calm before the storm.
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I’m not sure if that turned nasty at the end or not?
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I leave it entirely to your imagination to decide.
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A sad scene, but all too true.
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Unfortunately so.
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Powerful. You had me right there with you.
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Thank you.
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Liked your story very much, honed prose, no words wasted, very atmospheric – well done.
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Thank you so much
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Oooooo wow well told. The choppy sentences really drew me in.
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Thanks Laurie
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OH that’s so stark and atmospheric. Really strong and thought provoking
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Thank you Anna.
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Beautifully constructed. Excellent read.
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Thank you Jilly.
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Very powerful, thought-provoking and atmospheric.
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Thank you Lisa
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I was right there. Brilliantly descriptive.
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Thank you Louise
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Great rhythm and story, but I’m not sure what to make of the enigmatic last lines. He might be helping her, or not…
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I leave it to the eye of the beholder, what do you think? 😉
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I’m an optimist and a romantic, so I really hope he’s helping her!
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That is what I thought as I was writing it 🙂
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That is a very effective way to get the atmosphere across. Enjoy the moment, get ready for the onslaught. Wonderful writing.
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Thank you so much 🙂
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I love the structural choices you have made – they fit so well with the subject matter 🙂
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Thank you 🙂
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Doctors and nurses on or near the front line have a tough day – it would be hard to forget the sights and the cries and the smells. I’m glad he found solace for a short period during the night.
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Thanks Irene, you sum it up perfectly.
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This was almost poetic with it’s rhythm.
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Thanks Dawn
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A surprise in the midst of reading your A to Z posts. I like Field Hospital. Compelling images, well written.
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Thank you Suzanne.
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there is a poetic flow to this piece. Nicely done
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Thank you Susan
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Such a melodic piece, both melancholic and hopeful.
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Thank you 🙂
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A great piece of open poetry , I enjoyed reading this – although it has some dark undertones.
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Thanks James, it is a little unsettling!
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The style you chose to write this in gave it put us there in the protagonist’s mind. Well done
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Thanks Michael
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So well done with those breathless sentences, the sense of exhaustion overwhelming.
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Thank you Sarah Ann.
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Fractured building, fractured lives, fractured words – very fitting and well done Iain
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Thank you Lynn, much appreciated.
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My pleasure
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Very well done. You created an atmosphere, emotions, and motivation, and rendered them in a feeling of frustration along with duty.
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Thank you Sascha, very kind.
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