Close your eyes.
What do you see?
Do you see me?
Us?
Snapshots. A picture in a frame.
Look closer.
Do you see our life? A life? Any sign of life?
Do those snapshots add up to anything? Does it mean anything?
I see you. You, with those dark brown eyes. You, with that pale skin. You, with that smile.
I see your story. Our story. Our life.
I see it all and I see nothing at all.
Emptiness. As you fade away.
Open my eyes. Where did you go?
A busy street. A shop window. Hustle and bustle.
And emptiness.
Blindness. I face it alone.
Written for Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).
After a break from the Friday Fictioneers Fun, it’s great to be participating again, and to see, and read, so many familiar faces. I hope everyone is well and I hope to be back on a more regular basis in the months ahead. The summer wasn’t all rest and relaxation though, as I finished my next novel and am delighted to have signed a contract to publish it with The Book Guild Ltd. You can read more about ‘The Barra Boy’ HERE, and look out for publication in Summer 2022.
To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.
51 responses to “CAN YOU SEE?”
Totally new for you Iain. I like it!
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Thanks Di, certainly not my usual style. Glad you liked it.
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🙂
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I like it, too!
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Thank you, much appreciated.
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Sad with longing to rekindle the old and sweet in the new.
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Thank you, glad that cane across.
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An interesting new departure for you, Iain. Or, at least, one we haven’t seen here before
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Thank you Neil, much appreciated.
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There’s an abruptness to the words. A staccato rhythm, which paces this piece. It’s both sparse and ironically, rich, for the silences and feelings implied, pervading the spaces between the lines, words. And yet, it is highly relatable – a “typical” conversation, held/shared with another, absent or not — such is real life. But wow, the ending? That speaks volumes. And the closing line – fraught with philosophical and existential angst. Word sharp story Iain!
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Thank you for such a considered reflection, much appreciated.
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my pleasure
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Hari OM
…almost poetic in style. I too appreciated this piece! YAM xx
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Thank you 🙂
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This is so evocative Iain
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Thank you Sadje 🙂
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You’re welcome
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At the end there’s reality.
Blindness. But, there’s imagination too.
We see what our heart & mind sees.
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Nicely put Anita, thank you.
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It’s touching.. I can feel those emotions..
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Thank you
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Now I see you, now I don’t. An impassioned piece indeed Iain.
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Thanks Keith
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That’s a wonderful piece, Iain. Hopes and dreams so often fade away into nothing. We have to deal with it and redefine what’s ‘our own’ life.
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Thank you so much 😊
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that’s so sad. to be alone in the world in utter darkness.
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A terrifying thought. Thank you.
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A very profound piece of writing, Iain.
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Thanks so much
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You’re welcome 🙂
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Intriguing story. Well played.
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Thank you
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It feels like the person is a medium who went into a trance. The shop certainly has a certain curiosity aspect to it.
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I wasn’t thinking of a medium, but certainly they were lost in their own mind.
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Heart breaking. Fading away…
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Thank you
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Dear Iain,
Poetic and tragic. You told an entire story in verse. The grief is tangible.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks so much Rochelle, grateful that the meaning came across.
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Such longing for something gone, very sad.
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Thanks Ali
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A moment of respite when a life gone is relived only to disappear again. Lovely writing, Iain.
pax,
dora
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Thank you Dora, much appreciated.
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My pleasure!
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This piece speaks so loudly I can’t hear what it’s saying. Or, maybe I just need some coffee…
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Wow – that’s quite a piece, Iain. It’s suffused with grief for parting. The narrator is almost blaming the other for not being there, and yet you very cleverly hint that she has died with “Emptiness. As you fade away.” Lovely and impressive writing.
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“All and nothing at all” — Well done, Iain.
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I was left with a bit of grief and sadness. You expressed so much in your words.
An unusual write for you but I enjoyed it immensely, Iain. Welcome back … Stay Safe 😷
Isadora 😎
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So good to have you rejoin the ranks, Iain 🙂 And this story? A new direction for you, an extension of your already vivid imagination.
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I like the way the story builds, as each question is raised, as the emotional power increases.. A compelling story I think.
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I rather enjoyed this,
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Oooooo
Love this
Such sadness and loss the memories bring. Well done!
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