‘Room for one more?’ Hank slurred cheerily, lifting his wide posterior into the small bus.
He crammed into a seat. The driver jumped out into the traffic, angry horns blared.
Kaleidoscopic lights blurred. Sudden stops. Chaotic traffic. Sweat and body odour.
He felt the beer sloshing around in his stomach. A little excess again, but it was the festive season. New Year’s resolution: cut back a bit.
His eyelids drooped in the humid interior.
He woke alone. Still on the bus. Dark. Cold sweat. Quiet. Wallet, shoes, watch – gone.
‘Hello?’
A glint in the darkness. ‘Hello,’ a quiet whisper replied.
Written for Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).
To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.
3 weeks until Christmas, still plenty of time to order either of my novels for the reader in your life! Perfect if you’re looking to discover a new action thriller book!
A JUSTIFIED STATE: U.S.A. – AMAZON.COM UNITED KINGDOM AUSTRALIA CANADA INDIA BRAZIL MEXICO GERMANY FRANCE SPAIN ITALY NETHERLANDS JAPAN
STATE OF DENIAL: U.S.A. – AMAZON.COM UNITED KINGDOM AUSTRALIA CANADA INDIA BRAZIL MEXICO GERMANY FRANCE SPAIN ITALY NETHERLANDS JAPAN
Is he missing a kidney? 😀
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That could be the next thing to go. He’ll manage with one, right? 😉
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Oh dear! Seems like his resolution has come in a little too late.
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Isn’t that always the case!? Thank you Colline 🙂
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Dear Iain,
Ooh, this sent chills through me. Ominous ending. Well done.
Shalom,
Rochelle
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Thanks Rochelle
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Nicely crafted chiller, Iain
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Thank you
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I love deliciously creepy!
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Thank you – so do I! 🙂
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Somebody about to lose his wallet, I think. Best case scenario. Well done
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He’ll be happy to get away with just a missing wallet I think. Thanks.
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this reflects the idea that every drunk American tourist is fair game to the locals, it’s a sad world.
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I’m not sure they even have to be drunk.
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I enjoy a lunchtime bevvy or two with friends every week and invariably fall asleep on the bus home, only to wake up at journey’s end in Hastings – five miles past my stop! So far I’ve survived intact!
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Let this be a warning to you Keith!
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I’m with Tannille – I think the kidney is either gone or on its way out… I mean, beer makes a good anesthesia, doesn’t it?
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I’m sure he won’t feel a thing…
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Yikes, what next? Loved this chilling take on the photo prompt.
Susan A Eames at
Travel, Fiction and Photos
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Thank you Susan
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Very scary!
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A good advert to not drink too much!
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A great buildup of suspense in few words. That last whisper is the sound of doom? Or a good samaritan? Who knows? mwah-ha-ha!
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Well, it sounded like doom to me, but maybe he’s an optimist! 😉
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Maybe the start of a longer story?
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Maybe! Thank you for reviewing my book on Amazon – always nice to know someone has been reading 🙂
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Wow, that’s not a nice way to wake up!
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And probably with a headache too! Thanks Janet
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When you violate every rule of safety, to expect a happy ending is folly. I hate to say he worked towards calamity, but… Good story Iain.
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Fair to say he brought it on himself. Thank you.
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You’re welcome.
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As I was reading, I was thinking my guy should have taken a ride on your bus instead of my ambulance… then I continued reading and, I dunno which ending is better…
Well done, Iain!
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Thanks Dale. I think your guy ended up with the better outcome – he had some healthcare professionals to look after him at least!
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There is that…
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Terrifying. If he survives whatever happens next, my guess is that alcohol will have lost its appeal.
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It may have finally taught him a lesson, you’re right!
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I don’t think I like where that ‘glint’ is going … Yikes!
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No, a glint in the darkness is not a good sign.
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Aha. I’m outta there … 😉
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What a rollicking ride, with does of the sinister!
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Everyone likes a rollicking! 🙂
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You know, this coul go either way. Maybe reading too much dystopian stuff?
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Ha, well I am writing my 3rd dystopian novel to finish off a trilogy. Maybe I need to try something else next!
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It’s a poor do when one can not enjoy a few beers🙂
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A few too many I think is the problem.
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‘Glint’ is a lovely choice of words. Show the reader a knife and they will imagine the blood…I thought your description of waking from a drunken doze was rather evocative, too!
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Thank you Penny. Show, don’t tell is the one thing I can remember from my writing courses!
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Ut-oh. The little voice sounds a little scary.
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The small voices are always the scariest. Thanks Sascha
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Why did The Ring (which I don’t think actually had a voice) pop into my mind?
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The ending is ominous. A hint of something more frightening. A kidney, liver, or what? Quite a dangling tale. Leaves the reader hooped for the next drag. Very well written Kelly.
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Thank you Neel
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Quick, Hank, out the emergency exit!
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If only he could get his legs to work properly…
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We went down a similar track for our stories. Very well described (I’ve been in those things) and the ending was chilling and superb!
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Yes, great minds 😉
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That’s scary – and a timely reminder not to drink and travel alone!
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Always get drunk with a friend – good advice Liz!
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Ooooo fantastically creepy end, Iain.
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Thank you Laurie 🙂
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that quiet hello would have sobered him up! Hope he lives to see his New Year resolution put into action.
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It will leave him with good motivation to change at least! 😉
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i think that’s what happened you had too much to drink. hopefully, he learned his lesson. 🙂
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Hopefully he gets out alive so he has time to learn his lesson! 🙂
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Things just got worse I think! Great visuals throughout this.
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Thanks Russell
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I think I would be more freaked out by the reply than by anything else that was missing! That is probably just me 🙂 well-written.
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Thanks Angie 🙂
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Seems he ended up on the wrong bus, and is about to be harvested. They could have picked a better target, his liver must need replacing itself. Hope he sobered up enough to defend himself now. Powerful imagery too!
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Thanks Fatima.
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Oh dear, doesn’t sound too good for our hero, good job you ran out of words Ian. 🙂
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Who knows what would have come next! Thanks for reading 🙂
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A really creepy story, especially the whispered hello at the end !
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Thank you 😉
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Oh, a little sinister. Good one.
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Thank you Kelley
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That turned creepy really quickly. Poor Hank!
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Things tend to escalate quickly when you only have 100 words 😉
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Intriguing!
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Thanks Dawn
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