A LITTLE FESTIVE EXCESS

‘Room for one more?’ Hank slurred cheerily, lifting his wide posterior into the small bus.

He crammed into a seat. The driver jumped out into the traffic, angry horns blared.

Kaleidoscopic lights blurred. Sudden stops. Chaotic traffic. Sweat and body odour.

He felt the beer sloshing around in his stomach. A little excess again, but it was the festive season. New Year’s resolution: cut back a bit.

His eyelids drooped in the humid interior.

He woke alone. Still on the bus. Dark. Cold sweat. Quiet. Wallet, shoes, watch – gone.

‘Hello?’

A glint in the darkness. ‘Hello,’ a quiet whisper replied.


asian-bus
Copyright Fatima Fakier Deria

Written for Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).

To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.


3 weeks until Christmas, still plenty of time to order either of my novels for the reader in your life! Perfect if you’re looking to discover a new action thriller book!

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A JUSTIFIED STATE: U.S.A. – AMAZON.COM UNITED KINGDOM AUSTRALIA CANADA INDIA BRAZIL MEXICO GERMANY FRANCE SPAIN ITALY NETHERLANDS JAPAN

STATE OF DENIAL: U.S.A. – AMAZON.COM UNITED KINGDOM AUSTRALIA CANADA INDIA BRAZIL MEXICO GERMANY FRANCE SPAIN ITALY NETHERLANDS JAPAN

80 responses to “A LITTLE FESTIVE EXCESS”

  1. Is he missing a kidney? πŸ˜€

    Liked by 2 people

    1. That could be the next thing to go. He’ll manage with one, right? πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Oh dear! Seems like his resolution has come in a little too late.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Isn’t that always the case!? Thank you Colline πŸ™‚

      Like

  3. Dear Iain,

    Ooh, this sent chills through me. Ominous ending. Well done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Nicely crafted chiller, Iain

    Liked by 1 person

  5. I love deliciously creepy!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you – so do I! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  6. Somebody about to lose his wallet, I think. Best case scenario. Well done

    Liked by 1 person

    1. He’ll be happy to get away with just a missing wallet I think. Thanks.

      Like

  7. this reflects the idea that every drunk American tourist is fair game to the locals, it’s a sad world.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m not sure they even have to be drunk.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I enjoy a lunchtime bevvy or two with friends every week and invariably fall asleep on the bus home, only to wake up at journey’s end in Hastings – five miles past my stop! So far I’ve survived intact!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Let this be a warning to you Keith!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I’m with Tannille – I think the kidney is either gone or on its way out… I mean, beer makes a good anesthesia, doesn’t it?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’m sure he won’t feel a thing…

      Liked by 1 person

  10. Yikes, what next? Loved this chilling take on the photo prompt.

    Susan A Eames at
    Travel, Fiction and Photos

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A good advert to not drink too much!

      Liked by 1 person

  11. A great buildup of suspense in few words. That last whisper is the sound of doom? Or a good samaritan? Who knows? mwah-ha-ha!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Well, it sounded like doom to me, but maybe he’s an optimist! πŸ˜‰

      Like

      1. Maybe the start of a longer story?

        Liked by 1 person

        1. Maybe! Thank you for reviewing my book on Amazon – always nice to know someone has been reading πŸ™‚

          Like

  12. Wow, that’s not a nice way to wake up!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. And probably with a headache too! Thanks Janet

      Liked by 1 person

  13. When you violate every rule of safety, to expect a happy ending is folly. I hate to say he worked towards calamity, but… Good story Iain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Fair to say he brought it on himself. Thank you.

      Liked by 1 person

  14. As I was reading, I was thinking my guy should have taken a ride on your bus instead of my ambulance… then I continued reading and, I dunno which ending is better…
    Well done, Iain!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Dale. I think your guy ended up with the better outcome – he had some healthcare professionals to look after him at least!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. There is that…

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Terrifying. If he survives whatever happens next, my guess is that alcohol will have lost its appeal.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It may have finally taught him a lesson, you’re right!

      Liked by 1 person

  16. I don’t think I like where that ‘glint’ is going … Yikes!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. No, a glint in the darkness is not a good sign.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Aha. I’m outta there … πŸ˜‰

        Liked by 1 person

  17. What a rollicking ride, with does of the sinister!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Everyone likes a rollicking! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  18. You know, this coul go either way. Maybe reading too much dystopian stuff?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha, well I am writing my 3rd dystopian novel to finish off a trilogy. Maybe I need to try something else next!

      Liked by 1 person

  19. It’s a poor do when one can not enjoy a few beersπŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. A few too many I think is the problem.

      Like

  20. ‘Glint’ is a lovely choice of words. Show the reader a knife and they will imagine the blood…I thought your description of waking from a drunken doze was rather evocative, too!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Penny. Show, don’t tell is the one thing I can remember from my writing courses!

      Like

  21. Ut-oh. The little voice sounds a little scary.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. The small voices are always the scariest. Thanks Sascha

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Why did The Ring (which I don’t think actually had a voice) pop into my mind?

        Liked by 1 person

  22. The ending is ominous. A hint of something more frightening. A kidney, liver, or what? Quite a dangling tale. Leaves the reader hooped for the next drag. Very well written Kelly.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Quick, Hank, out the emergency exit!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. If only he could get his legs to work properly…

      Liked by 1 person

  24. We went down a similar track for our stories. Very well described (I’ve been in those things) and the ending was chilling and superb!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yes, great minds πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  25. That’s scary – and a timely reminder not to drink and travel alone!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Always get drunk with a friend – good advice Liz!

      Like

  26. Ooooo fantastically creepy end, Iain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Laurie πŸ™‚

      Like

  27. that quiet hello would have sobered him up! Hope he lives to see his New Year resolution put into action.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It will leave him with good motivation to change at least! πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

  28. i think that’s what happened you had too much to drink. hopefully, he learned his lesson. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hopefully he gets out alive so he has time to learn his lesson! πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Things just got worse I think! Great visuals throughout this.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. I think I would be more freaked out by the reply than by anything else that was missing! That is probably just me πŸ™‚ well-written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Angie πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  31. Seems he ended up on the wrong bus, and is about to be harvested. They could have picked a better target, his liver must need replacing itself. Hope he sobered up enough to defend himself now. Powerful imagery too!

    Liked by 1 person

  32. Oh dear, doesn’t sound too good for our hero, good job you ran out of words Ian. πŸ™‚

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Who knows what would have come next! Thanks for reading πŸ™‚

      Like

  33. A really creepy story, especially the whispered hello at the end !

    Liked by 1 person

  34. Oh, a little sinister. Good one.

    Liked by 1 person

  35. That turned creepy really quickly. Poor Hank!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Things tend to escalate quickly when you only have 100 words πŸ˜‰

      Liked by 1 person

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