A MEMORABLE MOMENT

Archie stood contemplating the winter sun set.

‘What a lovely moment,’ Archie sighed.

‘If you say so,’ said Agnes, shivering and stamping her cold feet. ‘Can we go now?’

‘We could just cross the river here rather than walking all the way back to the bridge,’ Archie suggested. The water level was low.

Before Agnes could object, he jumped down from the bank.

There was a squelch as his feet and legs disappeared into the mud.

He clambered back onto the bank, sodden, and without his wellies.

‘Now that was memorable moment,’ Agnes said, as she started walking along the path.


rogers-sunset
Copyright Roger Bultot

Written as part of the Friday Fictioneers challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).

To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.

Read more from Agnes and Archie here: THE AGNES AND ARCHIE STORIES.

**Wellies elsewhere in the world sometimes known as rain boots or rubber boots**

115 thoughts on “A MEMORABLE MOMENT

    1. Funny you should pick up on that, I debated ‘sun set’ or ‘sunset’. To me they represent 2 slightly different meanings. Fortunately I was 100 words exactly, so didn’t need to compromise!

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      1. I was trying to remember some of the Archie stories and it seems to me that this is about on par for the course, no? And of course he didn’t listen to Agnes, because what fun would that have been? Her reaction was the best part, though!

        Liked by 1 person

  1. My first response… “Fool, serves you right.” Then, I just cracked up laughing. 🙂 Love it. BTW, I think there’s still a pair of 1972 era correctional shoes, braces still attached floating somewhere beneath the Brent Spence Bridge over the Ohio river…if anyone finds them, please return to me…

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I hope you don’t mind a bit of critique. You could save a few words by omitting “Archie sighed.” It unneccessary as the words follow his actions. And one more word could be gained by changing ‘If you say so,’ said Agnes, shivering and stamping her cold feet – to – “If you say so.” Agnes shivered and stamped her cold feet. – Just a thought.

    Overall, I enjoyed the tale and found it quite humorous.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thanks Russell, always like a bit of critique. I can see your point. My counter-argument would be a pet hate of stories of lots of dialogue that have no identifiers, which become confusing when it is not clear who is speaking any longer. Tends to happen in flash fiction as people try to save words. I think you’re right in this case though, it would still make sense without them. I’ve been over-cautious perhaps. Thanks for your thoughts.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I have read stories where it wasn’t clear who was speaking. With only two characters, you generally don’t need to use as many identifiers. It gets real tricky when there are three or more people involved in the scene.
        A tool I use to clarify who is speaking is to include action with the speaker’s name.

        Liked by 1 person

  3. Oh, they seem to be quite a couple. I like Archie for his streak of adventure. Agnes seems to be a bit of a prude, is she? Haven’t read their other stories, so not quite sure.
    Loved this cute, understated tale with it’s line of humour.
    You know what, I see myself in Archie. 🙂
    Keep these coming, Iain.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you Natasha – that’s what I like about Agnes and Archie – they are just an everyday couple, they could be any of us. So glad that comes across. Agnes can be a bit of prude, but other times she reveals a fun side too 🙂

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