IAIN KELLY

DYSFUNCTIONAL

Max stared at the wall. He threw the chewed paperclip into the plastic cup and picked up a fresh one.

‘How many is that?’ Darcy asked from across the cubicle divide.

‘Ten.’ Max answered, putting the new paperclip between his teeth.

‘You’re not functioning well today.’

‘A-ha!’ Max shouted and spat out the paperclip. Leaning forward he wrote on the crossword. ‘D-y-s-f-u-n-c-t-i-o-n-a-l. ‘An inability to work with hollowed-out dry and stiff ointment.”

He threw the newspaper down in triumph.

Darcy looked over at him. ‘Can we get on with actual work now?’

‘I’m all yours. Remind me to order more paperclips later.’


claire-sheldon
Copyright Claire Sheldon

Written as part of the Friday Fictioneers challenge hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).

To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.

97 responses to “DYSFUNCTIONAL”

  1. neeltheauthor Avatar

    Superb use of the prompt. Lian, i simply loved this story. The last line was just fab.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Neel, very kind. Glad you liked it 🙂

      Like

  2. Annie Avatar

    Just awesome!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Annie 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  3. shehannemoore Avatar

    Lol. Nice ending

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      🙂 I like to try and have a little chuckle at the end, glad you liked it.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. shehannemoore Avatar

        Nice wee chuckle there x

        Liked by 1 person

  4. wmqcolby Avatar

    Hahaha! Reminds me somewhat of a memo put out in the production offices of the original Star Trek. The associate producer mentioned in passing a guy (possibly a story editor) who he said will not be allowed into his office and not to “eat the leaves off of my philodendron. He will have to find emotional nourishment elsewhere.” Same with the paperclips guy, in a way. Good little yarn there. Very real and fun! Nice work, Iain. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Haha, nice anecdote. Thank you, you are very kind.

      Like

  5. Björn Rudberg (brudberg) Avatar

    I have not used paperclips… but I do remember eating up my pencils… I miss it… haven’t found a way to chew the keyboard yet.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Ha, I wonder if there are chewed laptops and tablets lying around offices somewhere!

      Like

      1. Christine Goodnough Avatar

        Cell phones maybe?

        Liked by 1 person

  6. gravadee Avatar

    Such a cute post, I could imagine this happening

    Click Here to see what Mrs. Dash Says

    Like

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you 🙂

      Like

  7. J Hardy Carroll Avatar

    Ha. OCD at its finest.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Some things just have to be done before anything else 🙂

      Like

  8. Moon Avatar
    Moon

    such a fun read! wonderfully written.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  9. Sandra Avatar

    Great take on the prompt, Iain. I love a good cryptic crossword too. But not to the extent that I’d consume paper-clips.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      I confess that I do this with paperclips when I’m working sometimes, though not while doing crosswords!

      Like

  10. justjoyfulness Avatar

    Hahaha 🙂 Sounds like a real life story. hehehe 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you 🙂

      Like

  11. James Avatar

    Sounds more like an attentional disorder, in this case, being hyperfocused on one task and unable to prioritize which is more important. Well done.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks James

      Liked by 1 person

  12. jellico84 Avatar
    jellico84

    Hysterical laughter, oops sorry about the paperclip spray. I just had few tucked in as I’m marking out pages… hehehehe!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Haha, thank you, glad it gave you a smile 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  13. granonine Avatar

    Exactly how I feel this morning 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      I hope you get the crossword finished! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. FabricatingFiction Avatar

    This made me smile!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Ah, glad I managed to make you smile! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  15. L.E.R.T Avatar

    Well done Iain. This was good fun to read. Cheers, Varad

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Varad

      Like

  16. michael1148humphris Avatar
    michael1148humphris

    Thats a new use for paper clips, and more work for the dentist.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Depends how difficult the crosswords are!

      Liked by 1 person

  17. scr4pl80 Avatar

    The thought of chewing on paper clips makes my teeth hurt, not to mention all the cuts in my mouth it would make. Great story!

    Like

  18. Christine Goodnough Avatar

    His dentist is going to wish this habit were contagious.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Depends how hard you chew them! Thanks for reading 🙂

      Like

  19. Tracey@MyBajaKitchen.com and TraceyDelaplainMD.com Avatar

    Work? Work is for squares and for people who like to eat apparently.
    Fun story,
    Tracey

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Tracey

      Liked by 1 person

  20. Kalpana Solsi Avatar

    loved the simple vignette . paper clips seem to set the brains to ruminate.
    http://ideasolsi65.blogspot.in/2017/07/thank-you-claire-sheldon-for.html

    Like

  21. Dale Avatar
    Dale

    A little ADD behaviour… chew on the paperclip whilst the brain works on something else! Whatever works, I say… though metal on my teeth… blech!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Little bit of iron is good for you, right?

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Dale Avatar
        Dale

        Ummmm…😁

        Liked by 1 person

  22. csheldonblog Avatar

    like it 🙂 there staple by the way everyone I have taken out of anything since I started working where I am now….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Sounds like a great job 🙂

      Like

  23. Alicia Jamtaas Avatar

    Terribly fun! Although, I worked at a dental office for 23 years and the thought of what chewing paperclips would do to one’s teeth…..
    Thanks for a well-done story.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Alicia

      Liked by 1 person

  24. rochellewisoff Avatar

    Dear Iain,

    The thought of chewing on paperclips makes my teeth hurt, but your story made me smile. Nicely done.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Rochelle, always happy to get a smile from you 🙂

      Like

  25. d3athlily Avatar

    Hehe loved this! I had a little giggle at the end there. I’ve known a few Maxes in my career.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you, glad you enjoyed it 🙂

      Like

  26. plaridel Avatar

    if he learns to spit them into the plastic cup instead, he may make it to the America Got Talent contest. just thinking. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      A better or worse use of his time? I’m not sure which 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  27. Jade M. Wong Avatar

    Haha, great story Iain! Those crosswords can be tricky 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Jade 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  28. mandibelle16 Avatar
    mandibelle16

    Oh that’s kind of gross but I guess the things we do to avoid work. I wonder if it hurts his teeth, scrapes of enamel or something. Great write 👍

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      I bet a lot of us have little habits that others would think gross but we think nothing of! And, yes, I have lots of ways to avoid doing actual work! Thanks Mandi 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  29. Patrick Prinsloo Avatar
    Patrick Prinsloo

    That’s a good reflection of office life. Bravo.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Patrick

      Like

  30. Lynn Love Avatar

    Did you work out that cryptic clue or did you read it somewhere? Still trying to work it out … Nicely doen there, Iain, with great dialogue

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      I confess, I searched for it – a Sunday Times one I think it was. I’m useless at cryptic crosswords!!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Lynn Love Avatar

        Ha! Me too! My other half probably could have worked it out – he’s a bit of a whizz at these things. Might challenge him to answer this when he gets home 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  31. draliman Avatar

    I bet “Paperclips R Us” loves tricky crosswords! Sounded very true to life.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you. Even in today’s digital world, I wonder how many millions of paperclips are sold each day.

      Liked by 1 person

  32. gahlearner Avatar
    gahlearner

    What a fun story. Chewing on paper clips does sound painful though.

    Liked by 1 person

  33. Laurie Bell Avatar

    Good one!! Very clever. Tho i cant imagine chewing in paperclips is good for ones teeth!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Never done mine any harm 🙂

      Like

  34. Plum Avatar

    You have thoroughly freaked out my teeth. That gave me the creepy crawlies. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  35. rgayer55 Avatar

    I’ve heard of people biting 16 penny nails in two, but I guess paper clips work in a crunch. Great humor in this one, my friend.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  36. Dahlia Avatar

    I often wish I could order nails – fingernails 😉 Neatly done Iain 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Dahlia

      Liked by 1 person

  37. Sarah Potter Writes Avatar

    The question is, what will he chew on when he has demolished all his teeth, if he doesn’t choke to death first? I think he should give up crosswords before they kill him. I love the last two lines. It’s amazing how people can convince themselves that all sorts of things are work. Still, I’m sure that doing crosswords is better for the brain than keeping on checking Facebook during working hours!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      That’s true, good for the brain.

      Liked by 1 person

  38. Liz Young Avatar

    Great stuff – loved it!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  39. Inside the Mind of Isadora Avatar

    I like your take on the photo prompt. Perhaps, he should try chewing on gum. It would be safer for his teeth. haha
    Isadora 😎

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Good thinking, thank you.

      Like

  40. subroto Avatar

    Sometimes you just need a staple diet. I am impressed by the ability to slam dunk chewed paperclips. Nice one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Ha ha, good one 🙂

      Like

  41. Adam Ickes Avatar
    Adam Ickes

    That can not be good for his teeth. Interesting take on the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  42. amiewrites74 Avatar

    It made my teeth hurt but it was a fun read!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  43. Sascha Darlington Avatar

    Very well done. I personally can’t imagine chewing a paperclip (and ouch), but it’s a great take on the prompt.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thank you Sascha

      Like

  44. lingeringvisions by Dawn Avatar

    Ha ha…made laugh 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Dawn 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  45. patriciaruthsusan Avatar

    And I thought biting fingernails was bad. Paper clips would definitely lead to later dental bills. O_o — Suzanne

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Suzanne!

      Liked by 1 person

  46. The Mom Who Runs Avatar

    Yikes for his teeth! Excellent story, funny and succinct.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar
  47. Sarah Ann Avatar
    Sarah Ann

    LOL. Love where you took this. I don’t get cryptic crosswords at all. But how do his teeth hold up with all that paperclip worrying?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Iain Kelly Avatar

      Thanks Sarah. I’m terrible at cryptic clues too.

      Liked by 1 person

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