OTHER BRANDS ARE AVAILABLE

‘HÄAGEN-DAZS KILLER STRIKES AGAIN!’ screamed the headline, as did executive Peter Jenkins.

It was a PR disaster. That was three. Each bloodied corpse left with a half-eaten tub of Häagen-Dazs next to it.

The latest theory: the killer was following people who bought Häagen-Dazs, killing them, then eating the ice-cream.

‘What flavour this time?’ his assistant, Malcolm, asked.

‘Summer Berries and Cream, it blends with the blood as it melts.’

‘Have you seen this, sir? On the inside cover?’

‘What?’ snapped Jenkins.

‘Ben & Jerry’s have got a new advert out.’ Malcolm held up the full page advertisement:

‘OTHER ICE CREAM BRANDS ARE AVAILABLE.’


ice-cream-naama-yehuda
Copyright Na’ama Yehuda

Written for Friday Fictioneers hosted by Rochelle Wisoff-Fields (more details HERE). The idea is to write a short story of 100 words based on the photo prompt (above).

To read stories of 100 words based on this week’s prompt, visit HERE.

I’m not sure how well this joke will travel around the world, but in the UK, the public service broadcaster the BBC must not promote or advertise specific brands, so the well-used phrase ‘other brands are available’ has become a bit of a catchphrase. And I work there, so I couldn’t let the Häagen-Dazs picture go without referencing it!

cropped-trilogy-banner-1.jpg

FOLLOW THE LINKS BELOW
A JUSTIFIED STATE:  U.S.A. – AMAZON.COM      UNITED KINGDOM     AUSTRALIA    CANADA    INDIA
STATE OF DENIAL:  U.S.A. – AMAZON.COM      UNITED KINGDOM     AUSTRALIA      CANADA   INDIA

73 responses to “OTHER BRANDS ARE AVAILABLE”

  1. Ice cream turns nasty… And I thought razor blades were to watch out for.

    Haha “other brands available” I thought meant ruthless businesses were cashing in on the crimes.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. There’s always someone cashing in somewhere!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Dear Iain,

    The advertising world is something else, isn’t it? I’m making note of which flavors blend well with blood. You never know when that info will come in handy. Good one.

    Shalom,

    Rochelle

    Liked by 1 person

    1. One of those ones to file under truth is stranger than fiction – I’m sure advertising companies are involved in quite a few schemes to help their brands!

      Like

  3. Definitely a PR nightmare! Loved this piece.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much Colline 🙂

      Like

    1. Thanks Neil, glad it raised a smile.

      Like

  4. Such a gruesomely funny story.

    Liked by 1 person

      1. You’re welcome 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Ice cream and murder, what’s not to like!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. It’s the perfect evening 🙂

      Like

  6. Not suspicious at all. Have you seen the Mr. Show grocery store sketch about Fairsly Foods? It’s a hilarious scenario similar to this one.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Not seen that one, will look it up!

      Like

  7. Hi Iain,
    Didn’t know you worked at the BBC. For me over in Australia, it almost seems like a mythical creation although my grandmother played the piano there in 1938-1939 and was due to appear when war was announced and the BBC shut down. Loved the phrase “other brands available” Sounds very English and BBC-like.
    Great story and I’ll quote another reader’s “gruesomely funny”.
    I haven’t been too active on the blogging front lately as I’ve been researching the Australian troops in France during WWI. Our son will be heading over to Europe on a school excursion in April for ANZAC Day and I wanted him to know about our family members who served there and the thing got right out of control and I can see several book projects and stories coming out of it, although I need to get one finished first. Or, even started. The research phase has proved addictive.
    Anyway, Happy New Year and all that.
    Best wishes,
    Rowena

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad to hear you are well and still researching. Looking forward to seeing the results of all the research. I agree, it is a very BBC thing to say! Hope you have a great year and had a decent break over the holidays, Iain

      Like

  8. Have been binge-watching Mad Men so I am inclined to think there are no limits to just how far advertising will go to sell!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Gotta keep the client happy 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Iain, I’m wondering how something so horrid could have me laughing almost from the beginning! Well done 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Glad it got a laugh Linda 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. This is hilarious! The value of advertising at its best! 😀

    Liked by 1 person

  11. If you were an ITV person I suppose you would have used the Product Placement symbol, but it would have worked as well!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. We’ll have none of that at the ol’ Beeb, thank you very much! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  12. Great story, Iain – highly entertaining. I tell you what, though – I wouldn’t want to be in Malcom’s shoes, giving that bad news to his manager. He’ll be lucky if it’s only his job he loses!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Maybe some ice cream will help break the news!

      Like

      1. Ben and Jerry’s…
        😉

        Liked by 1 person

  13. Sounds like a competitor is willing to do whatever it takes to win sales. Ben & Jerry should be ashamed of themselves!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. All’s fair in brand wars! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Oh no! And here I was planning on getting ice-cream later today …
    😉
    Oy vey!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Just be careful what brand you pick 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah, and I’m not telling YOU what brand, either … 😉

        Liked by 1 person

  15. Highly suspicious of Ben & Jerry’s, who would benefit from the public’s mistrust of Haagen-Dazs. I know, I’m cynical. Great story!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Brenda – the cynicism is in the story – we all now know what some companies will do to get ahead – but I’m pretty sure Ben & Jerry’s wouldn’t resort to this!

      Like

      1. No, you’re right … Ben & Jerry certainly wouldn’t do that. =)

        Liked by 1 person

  16. bummer, serial killers do have their idiosyncrasies.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Relax, plenty of ice cream out there, the chances of you being targeted are pretty slim.

      Liked by 1 person

  17. There’s a popular phrase- “I scream. You scream. We all scream for ice-scream.”
    When the screaming turns to “killing” for ice-cream, it’s scary!
    Imaginative tale involving marketing & PR! Yes, competitors do come out with such ads to lure customers from rival brands!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks Anita – they certainly do.

      Like

  18. Sometimes these serial killers just don’t think of all the repercussions when committing their deadly deeds…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think they are just thinking about ice cream and nothing else. I know I do most of the time.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. Clearly Ben & Jerry’s are paying a hitman to discredit Haagen Daz aficionados or they really believe their ice cream is a safe choice for people and not the target of the mad iceman.

    Like

    1. I would never be so cynical as to imply that one mega corporation would deliberately sabotage another just to get ahead in the market place…

      Like

      1. You’re right how foolish of me, it sounds like the “Ice Cream War” in the sixties.

        Liked by 1 person

  20. Hah! Another unique take on the prompt. Good one.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Ben and Jerry jumped on that bandwagon real quick, didn’t they? Or did they create the crisis in the first place?

    Liked by 1 person

    1. You may well say that, I couldn’t possibly comment.

      Like

  22. Hahaha great joke or killer line
    🤣 ok yeah that was bad. Still, what bothers me is that the killer leaves half the ice cream behind. Totally evil.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, what a waste! 🙂

      Like

  23. That was funny even without knowledge of the catchphrase.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Ha, that’s awesome! But admittedly, I wouldn’t have gotten the joke had you not explained there at the end.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think PBS in the US is very different to the UK version. Thanks Russell

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Funny. I’m definitely a closet eater so they won’t catch me, and don’t mess around with ice cream it’s only one of a few indulgences that’s still legal. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. For now – wait until they try cutting the sugar in it with a new tax!

      Like

  26. Clever mash up of luxury ice-cream and over the top crime thriller. Entertaining story Iain.

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Ah, good ol’ advertising. I wonder why the murderer left only half the tub. 🤔

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Perhaps they had over-indulged!!

      Like

  28. Ha! Ha! Actually it would have been really lax of the other brands if they had missed out on such a great advertising opportunity.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, can’t look a gift horse in the mouth

      Like

  29. The ice cream murders!….what a fun story it is despite the blood letting

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Better safe than sound… this might be worse than the consumer poisoning that has happened in the past.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I reckon most multinational corporations will stop at nothing…

      Like

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