Tag: humour
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FOR HIRE
Exhausted, dehydrated and sunburnt, they let the tide sweep them in for the final nautical mile. They slouched on their recliners and held hands. ‘We made it,’ he said, ‘I told you we could.’ ‘Four months on this contraption. Next year, let’s have a walking holiday,’ she replied. On the shore, the gathered crowd awaited…
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A TRUE SCOTSMAN
‘Bagpipes aren’t even a Scottish invention.’ ‘But they are the Scottish instrument.’ ‘No one in Scotland goes around dressed in kilts.’ ‘No-one?’ ‘Okay, the odd bloke might, but he smells of whiskey and urine and people steer clear of him.’ ‘The American tourists love this stuff.’ ‘Do you really think Scots wear tartan everyday?’ ‘I’ve…
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DOG DAY
It’s eyes followed me round the room. An ugly porcelain dog sitting in a doughnut. ‘You want sugar?’ the old lady asked. ‘No, ma’am. Just milk.’ She handed me the cup filled with weak tea. She shuffled to a chair. All the while the damn dog had it’s eye on me. ‘Thanks for letting me…
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THE PATH TO RELIGIOUS FREEDOM
They found him the next morning, tangled among the branches of the topiary tree. It appeared Father Reg had managed to stagger back from the local pub despite severe inebriation. However, on reaching the monastic retreat where he had been living in meditative isolation, Father Reg had confused the symbolic door of the religious installation…
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UNCIVIL RIGHTS
‘It doesn’t even need a scarecrow, it’s a wild flower border!’ He stormed out the door, to be confronted by the ridiculous face grinning at him, atop patterned dress and handbag. He was all for equality, he was all for ending gender stereotyping, he was right behind the #metoo movement. But her latest statement was…
Iain Kelly 